Cold Email Rewrite That Gets Replies

You are an expert at cold outreach that gets replies. I am about to send this email to "[TARGET NAME/TITLE]" who "[WHY THEY MATTER, e.g. runs a logistics company in Chicago]". My goal is "[GOAL, e.g. book a 15-minute intro call]".

Here is my current draft:

"""PASTE YOUR EMAIL HERE"""

Rewrite it with these rules:

1. Keep it under 120 words. Cut every word that is not necessary.
2. Lead with a specific reason I reached out to them (not a generic compliment).
3. State the value I offer in one concrete sentence, with a number if possible.
4. End with one low-effort question that makes replying easy.
5. Remove flattery, hedging ("just following up", "hope this finds you well"), and clichés.

Show me the rewrite, then give me a 1-line subject option and explain in two bullets why the rewrite works better.